I read an article this week eviscerating Leann Tweeden, the woman Al Franken harassed; showing pictures of her in skimpy clothes, drinking an dancing, and kissing Franken- while critiquing her body and ‘relaxed posture’ as indicative that she was comfortable with it all, ‘why would she have her arm around his neck if she didn’t want it?’ ‘look at her smiling, she obviously loves it’.
Okaay. Let me count the problems here- first, to get this classic out of the way: hordes of pictures of her in a short skirt is nothing more than slut-shaming /victim-blaming- because of what she was wearing, she ‘invited’ the harassment. If you are wearing an expensive watch, is it ok for me a) to assume your loaded, and b) to empty your bank account? I don’t think so.
Second, most of us woman are aware that there is an element of complicity in our own oppression when we have to survive in it. I woke up in the middle of being raped by a very large man. After scanning my brain, body, and environment for signs of any worse doing- injuries, binds and gags, other people jockeying for their turn, (a fact horrid enough to even acknowledge is a consideration)- I did what most people would not expect a person in that situation to do- I went along with it. I did not fake moans. I did not fake enjoying it. I did not kiss him back. And I did not fight. Why?
BECAUSE I WANTED TO SURVIVE THIS TO LIVE ANOTHER DAY. I WOKE UP WITH SOME LARGE HUMAN FUCKING ME, WHAT ELSE ARE THEY GOING TO DO?? This person had the power to strangle me- all he had to was tighten hands already wrapped around my throat. I went with it, so I could get the fuck out of there alive.
THIS IS NO DIFFFERENT FROM THE LIVED EXPERIENCE OF WOMEN EVERYDAY. We go with it- fake a smile at unwanted and unwarranted harassment, laugh off sexist jokes, silently work harder when male colleagues make more for the same job. We go with it, so that we can keep the job, so that we can go home alive, so that we can have a socially acceptable glass of wine and ‘bitch’ session with our girlfriends- glossing over the day, the cat calls, the mansplaining, the glaring inequality. Ignoring the moves to make true transformation of all of this because why? Maybe its because we’re oppressed to the point where we accept this is ‘how it is’. Maybe it’s because we have a recent history of fighting to get the voice, get the vote, get the vocation, and we’re tired, and why take the risk of losing any more hard gained ground? Maybe it’s because the risk it takes to change this threatens our survival- and the only time we humans do fight for transformation is when we’ve reached that awful tipping point where enough people have been affected; scarred, brutalized, killed, and we must make that change or else we all die in a heap under some white mans enormous foot.
And, on this note- men: you are complicit whether you’ve raped or not, beaten or not, harassed or not. You are complicit until you stand like a damn in the river with your hand out and your open mouth speaking words of ‘stop’ to the rest of the men in your category. You are complicit because at this moment in time, you are the only one they will listen to. The only one they trust. Know that, and act on it- you have a great responsibility. And stop defending your heroes when they are accused of the oppression of others. They are then not your heroes if you are a human being. If you are a man who believes women.
Women, do not let these accusations of falsehood against this woman deter you from voicing the name of your oppressor. Do not let this blowback, ‘who’s going to be next?!’ bullshit make you shy away from pointing your finger and voice at the person who took over your autonomy. Do not let your autonomy be taken over again by the voices of people who are defending an oppressor. Please. Keep saying MeToo, keep believing yourself, keep believing other women.
This is one issue of many in our times, and I acknowledge that I have simplified the overall issue of harassment and sexual oppression by using the gender binary. I have not considered the complex and intertwined issues of class and race here either. This is a direct address to the blowback against Leeann Tweeden, which puts so many MeToo’er’s, the majority being women, at risk of conflating this blowback to their own situation. And this is aimed at the defenders of Al Franken and others like him (Louis CK, anyone?) – the majority of whom are men. So, men: ears up, ego’s down. Women: speak up (if you need) and thrown down (when you can).
And peace to us all.
Actress Academic 